


The Extinction: The Musical

by athanasynt



Series: The Hatchetfield Archives [1]
Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid, The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Humor, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Humor, Multi, Musical References, Musicals, Starkid - Freeform, Statement Fic (The Magnus Archives), team starkid, unlinear with canon timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24589942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athanasynt/pseuds/athanasynt
Summary: Statement of Emma Perkins, regarding the series of events that happened in Hatchetfield on October 11th, 2018 and the town’s subsequent demise. Statement taken directly from subject.---Emma Perkins gives a statement at the Magnus Institute.
Relationships: Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins
Series: The Hatchetfield Archives [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1777456
Comments: 7
Kudos: 41





	The Extinction: The Musical

**Author's Note:**

> guys I love this crossover so much, you don't even Know  
> -  
> anyways!!! You don't need to know the Magnus archives or the Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals/Hatchetfield Musical Universe to read this, though if you're only a TMA fan, there will be huge spoilers for TGWDLM, and if you're only a TGWDLM fan, this is basically just a retelling of TGWDLM in Emma's POV and in Statement mode. And if you're like me, a fan of both TGWDLM and TMA, you have a lot of entities as TGWDLM/Black Friday events speculations.
> 
> I know the date says 2018 but this is season one Jon since I don't know, not sure how I could've fit this statement in anywhere else. This fic is very self-indulgent, bear with me.  
> -  
> Enjoy!

[Click]

EMMA   
So… Do I just, what, start talking? Relive my mental and [Shuffles in chair to gesture at leg] physical trauma or whatever? 

ARCHIVIST  
Yes, you can start anytime. 

EMMA  
Uh, okaaay then! I kinda assumed you’d be recording into something more modern than a fucking tape recorder, like. Is that an aesthetic thing? I can totally dig it, but still. [Scoffs] Can’t believe I came all this way from fucking Clivesdale to do this. 

ARCHIVIST  
[Sighs frustratedly] Some statements cannot be recorded digitally and using tape recorders seem to be the only option, miss Perkins.

EMMA  
If you say so! 

My name is Emma Perkins- Oh, uh, I’m on witness protection, or the equivalent of the term ‘witness protection’ for whatever shit happened… in… [Frowns] Hatchetfield, because legally. I’m dead. Yeah. But Kelly Bridges is a shitty name! Like, why Kelly-

ARCHIVIST  
[Grunts] Please try to stay on topic. 

EMMA  
Right. Okay. 

Okay.

My name is Emma Perkins, and I’m making a statement about the shi- the series of events that happened in my hometown, Hatchetfield concerning… Augh, what do I call them? You see, it’s kinda hard to explain without any context, but, uh… Basically, musical zombies.

Yeah, musical zombies.

ARCHIVIST  
[Angry muttering] Musical zombies. God. [Coughs] You may continue.

EMMA (STATEMENT)

Apotheosis.

They called it the apotheosis. It was all they said at the end, when… Everyone was dead or infected. “The apotheosis is upon us.” They just kept singing about it, flaunting their victory and SINGING. Somehow it made the words more menacing, as if some pretentious fancy vocabulary isn’t haunting enough. I looked it up in the dictionary, and the definition of the word is either the highest point in the development of something, a climax, or the elevation of someone to divine status. 

I honestly don’t know which definition they meant. Maybe the hive was so conceited they deemed themselves gods, or they used the word apotheosis to mean the climax of their rule or something. Who knows? Well, I don’t. Thank god they’re all dead. [Dry, humourless laughter]

I guess I’m lucky to have survived the apotheosis. 

It’s just that. Luck. I’m not heroic or even that moral, even I’ll admit it. I literally own a pot farm. Anyways, I certainly don’t have any super qualities that let me live. No smarts, no weapon handling skills, I mostly ran around and followed… Paul. I guess I did one helpful thing, but that turned out badly in the end so… Yeah. It’s not like anyone would’ve really survived better with me there.

It all started with the meteor. I’m not the type to watch the news, so when it all happened I was completely unaware. I knew about the storm, of course, but I had already gotten home by the time it started and all I was thinking was how glad I was not to be stuck in the pouring rain. 

At night, a meteor crashed into the Starlight Theatre and… that’s when the apotheosis began.

The next morning I woke up and got to work like usual. I worked at a local coffee shop, Beanies. Don’t know why I didn’t choose to get a job at Starbucks like a normal person, and to this day I still regret choosing to work there. Even before the… apotheosis, the workplace environment was less than ideal. Coincidentally, the manager introduced a terrible system where people could tip for a song a few days before the meteor landed, so I didn’t suspect much when she said we now had to perform a stupid dance when serving coffee. Well, I guess it’s a little suspicious that it came out of the- Out of the blue. [Humorless chuckle] Heh. 

Anyways, nothing special happened that morning besides me needing to learn the dance. Until…

Paul. Paul Matthews.

He was a frequent customer, though it was honestly pretty obvious he didn’t come for horrible coffee and cold pastries we served. I mean, I guess not obvious enough because I didn’t know he came to Beanies because he had a honestly embarrassing crush on me until… A day before the apotheosis happened.

It was an awkward first meeting… but I’ve come to treasure the memory of it like nothing else. He was nice. We bonded over our hatred of musicals. 

I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone who’ll love me as much as he did. 

I guess he must’ve had a run-in with the infected before I did, because I was singing an idiotic song for work that Nora, my boss made me sing. His reaction was immediate. Started yelling for me to stop singing with such a frenzied look in his eyes I instantly thought he was… y’know, crazy.

He pulled me aside after calming down a bit, but the look in his eyes remained. His voice was even more terrified, to be honest. He told me in such a frantic and nervous tone that the world was becoming a musical I didn’t have time to. To think about the implications.

I should have thought about the implications. 

Before Paul could say anything else, Nora called me over to perform the stupid dance and serve what few customers we had. I did it begrudgingly while Paul stood there looking as pale as a ghost. I didn’t start thinking much about the dance yet… but looking back Nora and my manager, Zoey, had such… unsettling smiles on their faces. It wasn’t like a forced smile, and it was nothing like a genuine one. It just reminded me of something malicious baring its teeth. 

The stress of the day got to me and I snapped when Nora and Zoey continued dancing. I loudly announced that I was quitting the job while the both of them… stared straight at me silently and continued smiling like, like that. I should’ve known something was wrong.

I definitely knew something was wrong when they started talking in unison. They looked right at me and I somehow knew they hadn’t blinked the entire time I was speaking. They told me that they would teach me the song and that’s when everyone in the shop except Paul started choking.

And even the choking was in unison.

The beings who were once my annoying manager and insufferable boss stayed completely still. That was when they first mentioned the word apotheosis. All I could do was stare in horror at the people near me fell to the floor and writhed in such a wild and inhuman way, their limbs flailing and spasming as they began their apotheosis. It took everything in me not to scream. 

Then they stopped and stayed slumped down on the floor. I ran towards the coffee machine, and sure enough, it was drugged.

But not with anything human. No, it was this- [Pause, and dry laughter] Huh, we never had an official name for it. Sorry for the swear, but it was this blue shit. That’s the best way I could describe it. A blue and goopy piece of shit.

Suddenly, they started singing again. And the worse part was that people started rising up and joining in and singing with them in perfect pitch and perfect harmony. They were just singing about coffee, and it managed to be the most terrifying thing I had ever seen back then. I guess it was the way everyone was moving in sync. 

Paul managed to shake himself out of his own stupor and we ran out of there together. We didn’t slow down until we reached an alleyway. It was hard not to slow down with all the shrubs in the way. Thankfully no one- I mean, nothing chased us, or we probably would’ve died.

We found a hiding place behind a bunch of trash cans. I guess we got lucky again because uh, somehow all of Paul’s co-workers happened to be hiding there. And I guess that depends on your definition of luck because dear god was one of them an asshole. 

Still, Paul introduced me to them. Charlotte, Bill and the asshole, Ted. Apparently their boss got infected too and was dragging people into his office to infect them. 

It turns out Charlotte called the cops because we heard police sirens in the distance, and all I have to say is if there’s one thing more horrible than normal cops, it’s cops that sing and dance. And cops that pull out a gun in the middle of singing and dancing.

Ted managed to knock one of them out with the lid from the trash cans, and the other two ran away before any of them hurt us. Unfortunately, the one that Ted knocked out was Charlotte’s husband. 

What I saw was grotesque. His head fell open and we saw that his brain was blue, like the shit from the coffee machine. And it had veins pulsing and throbbing and they were also blue. It was so unnatural and alien. Charlotte started panicking, especially when his brain literally fell out of his head but he didn’t die. She wanted to go to a hospital but given that all the cases of apotheosis happened downtown where the hospital was… It was not a good idea to go there. 

So I suggested that we visit an old biology professor I had under the logic that he had a doctorate, which I assumed was close enough to being a doctor. And besides that, he lived in what was basically a fortress or a stronghold like he was paranoid about the apocalypse, and I reckoned that our chances of survival would be increased if we went there.

We took the car the cops came in and drove off with Sam, Charlotte’s dead husband.

After arriving at Professor Hidgens’ place — The biology professor, by the way, he explained that he had theorised the exact scenario happening… thirty years ago, if I recall correctly. I haven’t got a single clue how, but he had that look in his eyes that didn’t make me question it. 

He examined the thing oozing out of Sam’s head. The only explanation he gave us was that it was “a contagious pathogen of cosmic origin” and he went off to examine it more closely. Once again, I have no idea what he meant but… it’s not like it matters anymore.

Paul and I were talking after we all hid in Professor Hidgens’ panic room. And that’s when Charlotte broke in… But she wasn’t Charlotte anymore.

I don’t know how she let Sam out, but both of them were standing in the doorway. The first thing I noticed was Charlotte’s intestines literally ripped out from her stomach, gushing blue. Then she started singing. 

It was a blur when the professor returned and shot them both multiple times in the chest.

I barely recognised those things as once human by the time the ringing in my ears stopped.

And it somehow got worse, because next thing I know Bill gets a phone call from his daughter who is trapped in one of the Hatchetfield High choir rooms hiding from those monsters. Paul knew a way to get there that avoided downtown, and he volunteered to help Bill get there without dying. I- I wanted to go along, maybe because I was a good person deep down inside. But it was probably because I wanted to follow Paul, to be honest. 

But well, Professor Hidgens said he needed my help in the lab, so I stayed. Looking back, it was almost as if he didn’t want me to go. Like he knew if I went with them I’d fall to some gruesome fate. I suppose I was of some help though, because after a while of the professor prodding at the blue shit, he came to the conclusion that the infected were all a hivemind. 

He explained that it was the meteor connecting them all since the meteor that caused the entire thing was like the central brain of the hivemind.

I reasoned that if we destroyed the meteor, we’d destroy the connection between it and the infected. 

Then he turned to me with such a feral look on his eyes, I swear they weren’t always that blue- And he, he drugged me with a syringe. He wanted the apotheosis. He didn’t want to stop it.

And I couldn’t fight whatever sedative he gave me. I blacked out.

[Breathes in]

[Starts taking more frantic breaths]

EMMA   
[Panicked] I- I blacked out, a-and- I-

ARCHIVIST  
Do… Do you need a moment? 

EMMA  
I… Yes. T-There’s more, obviously, but I think I… I need to… y-yeah. A moment.

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, cutting off a statement is unorthodox but I didn't want to spoil anyone who's only a TMA fan. Seriously please check out this musical if you haven't already, I love it to smithereens and it's so fun thinking of entities for this fandom. It WORKS, is what I'm saying. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrxKX44qBJ0 <\- ITS COMPLETELY FREE TO WATCH, RECORDED PROFESSIONALLY ON YOUTUBE please watch if it you haven't already. It's got as much angst as TMA but double the comedy. (Though half the lesbians. But half is still 2 lesbians so we Stan)
> 
> Back on topic, the Hive is definitely Extinction because it has you getting replaced by something that ain't human! And oh boy, Black Friday is even better for TMA entity fusions because we got Wiggly as the literal manifestation of the Slaughter and WEBBY WHO IS THE FUCKING WEB. HANNAH??? IS HANNAH AN AVATAR???
> 
> (Expect more Starkid crossovers with TMA from me, that's all I'm sayin'.) 
> 
> Anyways, kudos, comment etc. if you enjoyed! <3


End file.
